“I just blew my lid, but my anger was justified!”
“I put up with her faulty belief system long enough, righteous indignation took over and I taught her a lesson!”
“My anger shut him up, because it was righteous!”
I hear this when clients proudly talk about how their anger was used to teach their spouse a lesson, or cause him/her to rethink the situation.
They classify their anger as righteous and consider it justifiable.
This is a scheme of the demonic kingdom uses to keep the door to sinful anger opens.
I have no doubt that my clients believe their anger is righteous but it is not. The cause for the anger may be justified, but their actions end up sinful.
Righteous anger is rare!
It occurs when significant injustice to people exists, but is always anger that is under control, and directed at the condition and not at a person.
Righteous anger should attempt to teach rather than destroy the offender.
It is unselfish, wrapped in love, and does not involve revenge.
It never uses guilt, or has the intention to humiliate, dominate or control.
Righteous anger never uses threats such as divorce to gain attention. These types of threats reduce your marriage to a performance-based love and not the agape love from God.
Smoldering resentment that is provoked to anger is not righteous.
You may have good reason for getting angry, but you may not be handling it the right way.
So, what is the right way to handle anger and not cross over into sin?
10 Steps to Harness Anger and Honestly Confront the Problem
- Always express your anger privately.
- Speak in terms of your hurt feelings and do not direct them at the other person faults. It will keep them less defensive and open to hearing what is on your heart.
- Keep present in your discussion. Refrain from bringing up the past. Work only on what caused your current anger.
- Give up any idea that this is a battle your side must win. Drop the expectance of an apology.
- Intersperse your complaints with positive qualities you notice in the person you are addressing. Criticism with respect will keep a person from becoming defensive.
- Practice the conversation and words you will use ahead of time.
- Don’t exaggerate the problem and make a mountain out of a mole hill. Stick to the facts without becoming emotional and stay calm and focused on the present.
- Give the other person a chance to speak without interrupting them.
- Keep your cool at all times even if the other person gets angry. Soften your tone and give them time to calm down.
- Stay focused on moving your relationship forward toward life and not death. Refuse any attempt by the enemy to bring in destruction in order to kill, steal, and destroy your relationship.
Anger resolution takes trust, commitment, and love.
These steps will help you begin to understand how to address the concern that needs changing righteously without crossing over into sin.
If you are easily provoked by deep resentment that has been locked up and brewing for years then seeking a third-party Christian Counselor should be your next step.
If you don’t have a resource for a safe, trusted counselor in your area, we are only a skype call away.