In part 1 of this series, we posited the view above based upon Dr. Emerson Eggerichs book “Love & Respect and encourage you to get a copy to more fully understand the principles. We want to focus now on the husband’s need for respect and how a wise wife, with good intentions, can respond and embark upon a new path.
Husbands Need Respect (CHAIRS)
Respect is a man’s deepest value. As a counselor, the number one complaint I hear from husbands is that their wives do not respect them. Given the choice between living a solitary life unloved or living in a world where he is not respected, most men will choose the former. Men and women see life differently because of these different needs. Men will hear criticism as contempt and this will often cause him to become silent, withdraw from giving love which, as we will see in the final part of this series, further alienates their wives.
- C – Conquest – Appreciate his desire to work and achieve
- H – Hierarchy – Appreciate his desire to protect and provide
- A – Authority – Appreciate his desire to serve and lead
- I – Insight – Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
- R – Relationship – Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
The word “appreciate” means to tangibly express and declare these affirmations to your husband in sincere and non-manipulative ways. These actions, when implemented sincerely, provide practical biblical ways to become more respectful women. I can almost hear the howls from some wives who would rightly declare that their husbands are not doing any or many of these things now, are not deserving of these expressions of appreciation.
My question is simple: has fighting, nagging, arguing or anything else been successful? Why not try these simple steps? I am not saying you will not experience some angst as you endeavor to walk this out, However, wives, if you can truly choose to believe that your husband needs your respect even more than he needs your love, wouldn’t you at least want to energetically try this approach? Choose to be a respectful wife even before you receive the love you need and deserve. Easy? Of course not. But let me ask you: isn’t the heart of a successful marriage based upon servanthood. Someone has to make the first move many times and usually it is the most spiritually mature one.
If you are in the midst of another “crazy cycle” (see Part 1 of this series for an explanation), couldn’t the wife choose to break that cycle, enter into the “energizing cycle” by beginning to meet his needs in an unselfish way? In the next part, we will address the needs for the wife and how a wise husband, with good intentions, can choose to give his wife the love she truly needs.
The Beatles had it wrong in the song “All You Need Is love”. Love alone is not enough because the husband needs something different!