Issues / Areas of Struggle
Anger unforgiveness,bitterness,depression,chronic pain& other health issues. They controlled my whole life, it put a strain on my marriage,& all my relationships. My walk with God was strongly affected. I longed for a closer relationship with God, but there was always something in the way. I felt like giving up.
What Changes Have I Seen?
It’s given me a renewed desire to spend time with God it took the weight off my shoulders. I feel like I have a fighting chance and I’m not working against the Holy Spirit but with Him. I also have been healed of some serious health issues that stemmed from the sin of offense.
I’ve felt a strong leading from God today to share with everyone what He has done for me. After going through deliverance, I have been healed of chronic pain from fibromyalgia and hypothyroidism. I know some will doubt and that’s why I haven’t shared it until now.
But today, as the Holy Spirit asked me why’d hadn’t told more people, I responded that I worried people wouldn’t believe and would scoff and cast their doubts on this wonderful gift that I have been given. His response was, that’s not your concern, and you just share and let me take care of the rest so I will share. Pain, fatigue, and all the ramifications that go with fibromyalgia began about 6 years ago, the Hashimoto’s thyroid condition even years before that.
had resigned myself to medications, most that didn’t work, routine blood work, etc. as the years have worn on, as blessed as my life is, every day has been a painful challenge of mind over matter willing myself to get up, have a good day regardless of what my body was telling me. I didn’t want to talk about it because focusing on it only made it worse and unlike some I didn’t want it to be an excuse not to move, help or enjoy what God has given me.
As I looked back I saw a pattern of unforgiveness on my part, then what followed was an illness. It went like this: bitterness towards someone, unforgiveness, then me trying to control the situation, then the issues with my thyroid were not far behind, then a few years of Drs. attempting to figure things out which meant blood work, pills, therapy, etc. in my frustration it led to more anger and depression, resentment, and then resignation. God brought wonderful people into my life, a patient husband, revealed himself more fully but still called me to forgive and let go which I could not.
If I managed forgiveness I wasn’t about to let go of my control over myself and others, I had spent most of my life without it, someone else always directing my life and after a hard fought battle of finally gaining some say about my life in my late thirties I was not about to yield it fully even to God. So everyday my list of grievances grew and though I tried to let go I still held onto things, give it to God, take it back, give, and take all day long, while the spirit of anger seethed ever close to the surface.
In my head, I kept an ever growing list of offenses while at the same time trying to walk in a way, I might earn the love I wanted and needed from my Heavenly Father. Always striving; then about 6-7 years ago the chronic fatigue and pain became more than I could bare I prayed for healing but none came, I struck out in anger at anyone who told me God heals, I didn’t understand where it was coming from, what I had done, I didn’t connect my judgement and anger at others as opening a door and giving the enemy an open invitation to attack me.
Drs. Diagnosed it as fibromyalgia, then the pills came all with their side effects eventually I stopped them all and just learned to grit my teeth and push through. Some days though there just wasn’t any pushing through and depression at the whole thing ruled the days and insomnia ruled the nights. Until my deliverance each morning I would put my feet on the floor and feel the pain each muscle would scream at me and in return I would say to God, “indeed Lord if you don’t do something I will be in a wheelchair by 60 if not before.”
Now I don’t want to get into a theological debate with anyone, and I’m not saying that all issues with pain are demonic in origin, all I’m saying is I KNOW mine was. Every day I battled with my long list of offenses, from former friends, co-workers, family members, no sooner did I get past one thing asking for forgiveness did the enemy throw something or someone in my path.
That spirit of anger to come to the surface again, I railed against God about all that had been stolen from me from my childhood on, always a right fighter, even after all then lessons God had taught me about judging others and un- godly control. After my experience with deliverance, the Lord led me to the story in John 5 when Jesus healed the man at the pool of Bethesda. Afterward when Jesus saw him in the temple, he said to the man
,”behold you have become well, do not sin anymore, so that nothing worse comes upon you. I know the Lord was talking directly to my situation. There are spirits of infirmity and I had invited them in and once the door was open, they brought their friends. It has been real spiritual warfare, but the Lord is a deliverer to those who seek Him.
For the last few years, my pain had sat hard on my shoulders, the knots, large and small were there for anyone to touch and visibly see. I can’t describe the next day waking up and this weight I had carried there to be gone. My gratitude is more than I can describe.
The best way for me to describe then and now is this; before it was like standing at your front door watching people approaching that you know are bad but not having the ability to shut the door, so they come in and eat your food and tear up your things all the while your begging them to leave, versus now you can see them coming, but you have gained the ability to slam the door.
Don’t think that just because you follow Christ you are immune to strongholds, there may be some in your life that were present through family issues even before you came to Jesus. They don’t always go just because you came to Him. Learn to forgive quickly and let God deal with it, watch your words, we are created in His image and He spoke the world into existence, he gives us a choice to speak life or death.
Learn why there are so many scriptures on the tongue, they’re there for a reason. If we are His followers, we must learn to be like Him, the easy way or hard way the choice is ours. Love y’all, forgive not just those you want to forgive but those that hate you, I praise Him for no meds for 3 weeks, no pain, I am healed in Jesus name!
-Sandra K. Collins