Above & Beyond Christian Counseling

Christian Counseling and Deliverance Ministry

  • Home
  • About Us
    • What We Believe
    • FAQs
    • Above & Beyond Name?
    • Media Appearances / Conferences
  • Contact
    • Schedule Appointment
Menu
  • Counseling
    • All Services
    • Internet Counseling
    • Success Stories
    • Schedule Appointment
    • Close
  • Deliverance
    • Our Approach
    • Adults Deliverance
    • Childrens Deliverance
    • Internet Deliverance
    • Success Stories
    • Schedule Appointment
    • Seminar Registration
    • Close
  • Academies
    • Christian Counseling Degrees
    • Deliverance Ministry Training
    • Close
  • Warrior Partners
  • Store
  • Free Resources
You are here: Home / Christian Counseling / 3 Biggest Reasons Christian Marriages Fail

3 Biggest Reasons Christian Marriages Fail

By Don Ibbitson

christian marriages failI have met with hundreds of couples in my tenure in counseling and have, after much contemplation, review and prayer, narrowed the list to three major reasons why Christian marriages fail.

Here they are, in order of priority:

  1. Selfishness
  2. Selfishness
  3. Selfishness

It’s a well-known axiom in real estate circles that the three most important considerations when purchasing a home are location, location, location. The point of course is that while there are other factors, the area the property is located in is so important that everything else you could say about it hardly matters. I have seen this analogy play out in my counseling practice. Selfishness is what leads to so many problems in the first place and also hinders what God wants to do to bring restoration because unforgiveness is rooted in selfishness.

Paul in his letters has much to say in terms of practical advice and admonitions for husbands and wives. Scripture must be interpreted in light of, and in context with, other scriptures and when you do that it is clear to me that a major key to successful marriages comes down to honoring and serving one another. This requires an act of the will (not based upon our feelings) that focuses on choosing to meet our spouse’s needs even when it is hard.

If you have one (primarily) selfish partner in the union then it can limp along. Two selfish people almost invariably results in carnage. A couple who professes Christ should be following biblical principles and if they do, then the marriage can survive, thrive and prosper! The principles work for everyone; I have seen many couples who do not profess Christ but their marriages are much healthier than many who do!

What if one is selfish? I have seen it happen repeatedly that when the giver perseveres in love and genuine Christ-like service (not being abused or a doormat!) then the power of God moves to heal and restore (1 Cor. 7:14). Those who remain in abusive relationships are not being unselfish; typically their passivity ends up enabling the continued bad behavior from their partner. Being a servant does not mean being a doormat and that person needs help often with setting and maintaining proper personal boundaries.

How does one begin to change things around in a marriage?

Start by recognizing the role and fruit of your selfishness in the marriage. Purpose, by the grace and wisdom of God, to begin to move to serve (and submit to) your spouse. Yes, husbands too are called to submit themselves to their wives (Eph. 5:21) even as wives are to submit to their husbands. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25). He laid his life down for the church; that is the ultimate act of submission and service, is it not?

We have seen many people benefit greatly from deliverance ministry, temperament analysis and marriage counseling. We have seen others who reap very little. I believe the key begins with the attitude of the heart in this area of setting aside self.

If you are selfish, can you purpose and commit unilaterally to becoming more of a giver and less of a taker in your marriage? If you are primarily a giver now, you need to ask for the grace, wisdom, peace and power of God to move in your situation. He is faithful and all things are possible for those who believe!

Do you agree with these three reasons?


Check out our YouTube video on this same blog topic!

Filed Under: Christian Counseling Tagged With: marriage

 

Get Access to Our Free Christian Counseling and Deliverance Ministry Resource Library

Get all of our popular videos, podcasts, presentations, and guides in one place.

Get Access

Welcome

It's Time for Victory!

We're dedicated to helping you live a joyful, productive, and healthy life through the power of Jesus Christ, whether you need Christian Counseling or Deliverance Ministry.

About Us

Support What We Do

Become a Warrior Partner

We’re Here For You

Contact us to learn how we can help you achieve victory. We can counsel you in-office or via the Internet using GoToMeeting.

Click the button below to get started.

Contact Us

Success Stories

We are blessed to have a growing number of counseling clients who have seen the power of Christ in their lives.

Read Their Stories

Our Locations

Tampa, Florida
10012 N. Dale Mabry, Suite 205
Tampa, FL 33618

Clearwater, Florida
13575 58 St. N., Suite 105
Clearwater, FL 33760

Brandon, Florida
1219 Millennium Parkway, #106
Brandon, FL 33511

Worldwide
Online Sessions

Meet Our Team

Learn more about our team of Christian counselors.

Read more

Tampa, Florida

Above & Beyond Christian Counseling
10012 N. Dale Mabry, Suite 205
Tampa, FL 33618

Clearwater, Florida

Above & Beyond Christian Counseling
13575 58 St. N., Suite 105
Clearwater, Florida 33760

Brandon, Florida

Above & Beyond Christian Counseling
1219 Millennium Parkway, #106
Brandon, FL 33511

Connect With Us

Learn more about our Christian counseling services.

Read more

Become a Warrior Partner

Help us expand the ministry of deliverance and training worldwide. Read more

Become a Christian Counselor

We offer a variety of accredited Christian counseling courses including Bachelor's, Master's, and Doctorate programs

Read more

Get Trained in Deliverance Ministry

Learn our proven and effective 5-Step process.
Read more

Free Resources

We have an extensive collection of free articles, podcasts, slideshares and videos.
Read more

Copyright © 2025 Above & Beyond Christian Counseling - All Rights Reserved

Posts Sitemap | Pages Sitemap | Privacy

Registered 501(c)(3). EIN: 26-3248647