You’ve just had another quarrel with your husband, and you can’t figure out why he doesn’t understand you. He is frustrated because he says you are not listening to him. Both of you are pulling back. You love one another, but this ongoing disconnect threatens to destroy what you know the Lord has ordained for you both.
The marriage union is God’s most precious godly soul tie between two people. When healthy communication is absent, one partner will often pull back and lose hope and expectancy for things to change.
Our soulish emotions and minds are part of the fray, but we must understand that the demonic realm is also activated with more vigor to destroy (John 10:10) what God has put together. When you can see this situation, you can take steps to see fruitful change.
There are not demons behind every problem in our lives, but the bible is clear that our struggle is not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12), and Christians must take proper steps in the natural and also discern the nature of spiritual attacks against their marriage. In this article, I will use the term offender to denote a person who withdraws. A victim is a person who wants to work things out, but their efforts are being rebuffed.
Here are three common scenarios that frequently unfold:
- Pride, selfishness and self-righteousness attack the offender
The spouse who is unwilling to get help often has a sense of entitlement rooted in selfishness. They contend that the other person is not meeting their needs and are quick to point out flaws and weaknesses in the other. They justify pulling back out of the unbiblical view that their needs are just not being met.
- Rejection, fear and anger torment the victim
The offended party, who has invested more time and energy into making things work, is quicker to recognize their shortcomings and failures in the marriage to date. While he or she understands that it’s not all their fault, the demonic kingdom, even working through others, will reinforce the notion of failure and inadequacy.
- Both become vulnerable to false “divine encounters.”
When verbal and emotional separation between spouses occurs, physical intimacy is not far behind. The bible warns us that the result gives the devil an open door for torment (1 Cor 7:5).
In my years of couples counseling, I do not recall a single incidence where a spouse deliberately set out to have an affair. Just as for a car travelling down a highway, most marriages drift off the road rather than making a 90-degree turn. The common theme is that the demonic realm will labor to bring someone else along who better “connects” with them and understands their needs.
I can’t believe that your husband treats you like that. You are too attractive and nice and deserve better.
Your wife doesn’t know how lucky she is to have you.
These connections do not happen by accident and people often put themselves in dangerous positions (alone at bars, events or social gatherings) that allow the demonic realm to make these happen. What starts out as communication quickly escalates to emotional connectedness and ultimately into crossing physical boundaries if not arrested.
Husbands and wives are to submit themselves one to another and work to meet each other’s needs. Regardless of temperament differences, spouses must honor the Lord and each other by being committed to connecting on every level. When connectedness begins to unravel, it can lead to unhappy results.
Poor Communications Is The Symptom Not The Cause And Needs Outside Help
Poor communication in a marriage is a symptom of deeper problems and rarely the issue alone for why couples struggle. Just a new squeak in your car never fixes itself, I contend most couples in the above predicament will require competent outside help to effect changes. Meet with another godly couple or seek help from your pastor.
Professional Christian counselors are equipped to help in situations that are dire. It is vital that you do not let the union degrade so that one spouse completely loses heart and hope. Recognizing the involvement of the demonic realm, if presented properly, can help unite a couple against their common enemy rather than wounding each other. Spiritual struggles require spiritual armor and weapons!
Our God is a restorer and rebuilder, and He is able if we are willing. Get help today!