You are stuck in a marriage that you know needs professional help desperately. You need marriage counseling but your spouse is unwilling to get and says that you are the one who needs help or just stubbornly refuses to budge. You are angry, hurt and feeling helpless for the future of your union.
What can you do?
People come for Christian counseling for a variety of reasons and motivations. During the initial session, I try to assess several factors, but one thing I am looking for is desperation. If it’s there, great! If I do not sense much urgency or desperation, then my ability to help someone becomes more difficult.
I love to see someone come into my office because they want to be there. One of my first questions is what has happened to make them seek professional help. When I hear, “my wife (or husband) thinks I have a problem,” my heart sinks because the path ahead will be rocky.
Some will give an affirmative answer to the question of wanting help, but have little passion behind it.
I always get around to asking what their specific issues are and the conversation might quickly devolve to detailing what is wrong with the other person in their life. Again, that is a disheartening response.
The bottom line is this: it is extremely difficult to reach someone in counseling or deliverance that is not willing to co-operate and become engaged in the process. Trusted family members and friends can be utilized to try to persuade the reticent partner to seek help.
What can you do if you are at a stalemate with your partner when it comes to getting help?
Three Steps You Should Take On Your Own
There are (at least) three viable options at that point and each of them should be pursued:
1. Eliminate any enabling behavior and have proper personal boundaries in place.
People need to reach a pain threshold before they are willing to do what is necessary to see change. Another common term is to “hit the bottom” but many relatives are surprised at how low a loved one can fall! Are you willing to released your loved one over to the Lord, purpose to have peace, and commit to maintaining proper boundaries?
Even though a couple becomes one flesh, there are significant personal boundaries that need to be in place between husbands and wives. (If this concept is new to you, explore Cloud and Townsends’ “Boundaries” series of books). When you commit to this path, your faith will surely be tested and you must persevere through this trial to see results (James 1:2-4). When you have proper boundaries in place, you will be able to say, “No!” without guilt or condemnation.
2. Proactively declare Matthew 16:19 over a person. Ephesians 6:12 reminds that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but spiritual forces of evil. Jesus tells us that believers have power and authority to bind up demonic spirits in people and loose the Holy Spirit upon them.This activity represents faith in action, and you should engage consistently, repetitively and without doubt (James 1:6). You WILL see your loved ones reach that point of brokenness if you do not grow weary!
In the name of Jesus, I bind up the spirits of pride, rejection and anger in my wife/husband. I bind you with the blood of Jesus and say you will not torment them. I loose the Holy Spirit and ask that you will bring him/her to the place of repentance. Reveal your great Love, Father and speak words of life and hope to them…
Do this consistently and persistently with two important directives:
-Do them out loud so the demons can hear you and,
-Do not declare them to the person or let them know you are doing it! That is akin to poking a hornet’s nest: the results are not usually positive.
Be faithful, diligent and do not lose hope. Trust in the power and word of God to work in your loved one.
3. Get help yourself. God knows your circumstances, your hurt, pain, anger and frustration. You may need encouragement and validation. You may require help to learn how to walk the two options out in your personal life. Learning how to set, implement and maintain proper boundaries is not a natural skill for most people.If you are a neophyte in the realm of spiritual warfare, you may need some practical assistance. If faith is only a noun for you, you may need guidance on how to turn it into a lifestyle that pleases God!
I have seen many marriages begin to revive when the willing partner unilaterally purposes to fulfill his or her role regardless of the other’s response. Ephesians 6:33 says that husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands.
It is a challenge purposefully to commit to doing this in obedience to the Word of the Lord in spite of the natural circumstances. I recommend Eggerich’s “Love & Respect” book to every couple that comes into my office. It contains biblical, proven, effective strategies and tactics to wall this out. I highly recommend this book!
The demonic kingdom is looking to destroy your marriage. There are things you can do to help keep things moving in the right direction.
If you can’t find help locally, consider connecting with us. We help people worldwide using internet technology and we love to connect with you.