We frequently meet with clients who relate horrific instances of abuse that happened to them as children. A question many people wrestle with is simple and understandable: “If God loves me and is all-powerful, why didn’t he stop that from happening to me?”
Theologians and pastors dissect this question deeply in books and sermons to their larger audiences. I would like to share how I answer that question, face-to-face, in the context of a counseling session with someone who typically has serious issues they are seeking help to address.
It is important to understand that abuse of any kind is an open door for demonic torment in a person’s life. We have seen people dealing with anger, fear, depression and perversions whose roots can be traced to that instance or season in their life.
As Christian counselors, we are adamant and persistent about convincing our clients that:
- God loves them and is for them not against them
- God wants them to prosper in all ways
- God is not angry with them because of past sin
- God does not bring or allow abuse (or sickness) as a teaching tool or as our “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7)
- God will work to bring good out of everything that happens
- It is the demonic kingdom that works to kill steal and destroy.
Many people have received wrong teaching on this question and others simply attempt to rationalize and make mental sense out of situations that often defy sound analysis! These errors can lead to wrong conclusions and resultant anger and rage towards God that, if not resolved, manifests in physical, mental and emotional torment.
When we address this issue, we do not attempt to apologize on God’s behalf or try to explain why He did not intervene to stop the abuse. We do not support the notion that people might need to forgive God. God does not sin or make mistakes; His ways and thoughts are higher than ours, and we must not lessen his actions to a human level.
We do not have a script or defined response , but the general theme flows as follows:
No one knows why He allowed it to happen! He was able to stop it but did not. The spiritual reality is that there is evil in the world, in the form of demonic spirits who operate through people. When Jesus took back power and authority from Satan, through his death and resurrection from the cross, he returned it to mankind, specifically his Body (the church). He did not keep it for himself, so it is up to us to appropriate the victory and take back what the enemy continues to try to steal.
One thing we know for sure is that Christ was there while the torment was happening, and his heart broke as the your body and soul were being crushed! He did not want to happen, but He allowed it for reasons known only to Him, and the promise is know that He will heal you and bring goodness out of it!
We regularly tweak and customize the response to meet the unique maturity level and needs of each client, but this approach seems to be effective. We want to get them to the place of believing the goodness and grace of God apart from fully understanding the mental and analytical aspects of His ways!
Is this a question you’ve wrestled with in the past, for yourself or others? What answer or revelation helped you the most? We’d love to hear from you and are willing to bring fresh insights into the help we bring to counselees.
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I was physically/sexually abused for a large majority of my childhood. What has helped me the most, is understanding generational curses and my parents authority over me. Yes, God can come and wipe all evil away if He wanted to, but instead He chooses to use people. It’s an amazing picture of love, if you really think about it. In the case of abuse and children, I believe parents have the authority/ right to cover their children and make sure those doors are closed. I believe if my parents were not properly following the Lord and closing doors then yes the enemy had a legal right so to speak. Now please don’t misunderstand me I don’t blame my parents and I am not mad at them. I also don’t believe God is on His throne telling these demons to abuse people bc of legal rights. Rather, I believe He does weep that His creation doesn’t know him and is not walking in the authority He gave us through the precious sacrifice of His only son. My parents were ignorant and did not have any kingdom understanding. The abuse was a work of the enemy, evil forces working through people. I feel we also must understand that these abusers can receive true deliverance and go on with their lives as healthy, free Christians. I don’t agree with a lot of the opinions that say these people should be killed and so on. No, I believe God has a plan for everyone and we must separate the person from the evil spirit working in them. What happened to me wasn’t God’s best, but it’s certainly helping people and He is using it for good. But hey these are jusy my thoughts. Thanks for this article Don. You and Phyllis rock for Jesus!!
Thank you for sharing your experience, Cassy. We hope it helps others also.
Hi Don. Good article. I like that you taylor your response to the maturity level of the brother or sister who YHWH has entrusted you with. As a child, I thought I knew G-d and as I cried out to Him all I could hear was silence. When I first fell into the whirlwind of Psychology and Counseling, from secular to Christian, my first atheistic counselor was amazed that I actually hated G-d more than I hated my parents. Years and tens of thousands of Dollars later, one day, by His grace, I met the only healer. I cried and still do over that moment. I believe that He can use counselors and does, He can use anything He chooses. He is G-d. His ways are beyond anything anyone of us will ever understand. Today, I thank Him for His silence. When a member of His body is destined for special forces, the training is a little tougher. There is nothing special about being in one of another role in His body, He is doing it anyway. You just have to know yours, become obedient, and become thankful, become patient, become… You know the gifts.
Out of His stripes, I was healed. Those of us who have stripes (and ours were unwilling, His were not) can be instruments to reach those with deep wounds. When people are really hurting, they believe we (and almost everyone else) are their enemies. It is very hard to love and embrace enemies knowing that you can and probably will get hurt. He will heal us when and if it happens and we will continue to feed His hurting, angry, distrusting, lost sheep. Some just require more love than others. We must be willing the hear, “sh’ma” Him first because this is not to be an exercise in masochism but a reflection of His love. His love never fails.
I know that G-d has not, does not, and will not waste one molecule of His Son’s precious blood and did not have Him stay one nanosecond more than He did on that tree. Like a skillful surgeon, He did not have me endure any more suffering than I did in my childhood and youth to get through and begin restoring my problem, my real problem: my heart. When I look at it, His ways, His Love, His Son actually make a lot less sense to me than that little bit of suffering that overwhelmed me as an unborn and later born child and teen. Sometimes the enemy already gains a foothold in the womb. Suffering is a tool. In YHWH’s hands it brings light. In His enemy’s it brings death. If we are having this conversation, if He is bringing His beloved sheep to your counseling practice, it is because He, in His great compassion and immense love has give us an opportunity to see His face and make a decision.
I have learned that crying out to G-d only to hear His silence brings us closer to His Son. His Son cried out on that tree and His Father let Him hang. There is no condemnation in Him. The Love of that Son and the Love and restraint of that Father are beyond comprehension.
Blessed be His Name.
When my ex-husband demanded a divorce after I got into a serious relationship with Jesus I was very angry and heartbroken-crushed. I was angry at God – after all I was serving the Lord and learning all about Him, etc. Of course after a lot of time had passed I realized by the Grace of God that Jesus probably tried to do something, but Jim had a free will that the Lord would not violate. I made some wrong choices after that, but eventually did something I had heard from Charles Stanley. I set a chair opposite me and pretended Jim was sitting there I had asked the Holy Spirit to be there and had written down all my feelings that was too afraid to tell my ex-husband. I told him everything I had felt – how hurt, betrayed, angry and too scared to tell him in person. Plus some other things. I said everything – not calmly either – just how I felt. Then I went through the list and forgave him for each thing. I asked Jesus to forgive me for anything in me that wasn’t right and received His forgiveness and thanked Him for His precious blood washing me clean. Then I folded the list put it in my Bible and forgot about it. Some years passed when I moved to another state. I happened to find the note. Not a negative or angry emotion rose up in me. I felt no emotional pain at all. I knew I had forgiven him and the other person involved. The Lord also showed me things about myself – like I wasn’t always very loving – my attitude really stunk at times – also some other things that I needed to repent of. I pray for Jesus to save him – that’s how I’ll get the devil back.
Thank you for being so candid in sharing what was such a painful time for you, Jill. You were persecuted for your faith but the sit-down session you had clearly helped bring healing because you were faithful to be obedient in the realm of forgiveness. God is so good!
Thank you so much. Yes God is so good!
My daughter was sexually abused by my uncle during the age of 5-9..my other daughter was raped…I was sexually abused by my father who died when I was 12…generational sin is biblical and evident in my family. My father was an alcoholic, so was one of my daughters – she is sober now thank God! Pregnancy B4 marriage..that was my story and my Son’s..abortion also….all of these acts the bible calls sin. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus! I owed a debt I could not pay and Jesus paid a debt He did not owe..MINE! Satan currently has the deed to the earth and is ruling over it in Al manner of wickedness…Jesus will come again to take back full reign..In the mean time we need to choose Christ…we don’t get to claim His name without claiming His life..we don’t just get to believe in Him and not believe like Him…When we choose Him we have the power to overcome to live a victories Christian life..A fruitful life that causes others to ask…what is it about you that’s different…I want what you have…This is the hope that is in us..that we get to offer to others. The blood of Christ is life giving …it’s powerful…it cleanses n washes…The name of Christ…is powerful…it gives sight to the blind..it causes the deaf to hear, the mute to speak, the lame to walk , and the dead to rise…This life is not about us…it is about Christ in us…we make it about us. Phil 1:29 For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him but to suffer for His sake. Through the suffering of Christ many have been saved…if we will allow our suffering to glorify God others can be saved..often times we choose to feel sorry for ourselves…The focus clearly being on self…OR we can believe what the bible says…”IT IS FINISHED” and know GRACE is the means in which we navigate through this life so that God can be glorified…self pity or grace…we get to choose! Phil 3:10 that I may know Him and the power of His sufferings being conformed to His death. We too need to “die” to self as Jesus did when He went to the cross willingly, He did so motivated by love. We need to choose to love God with our lives…that is worship! God is glorified in that. People who are in darkness are translated over to light through a life lived like this…..is it hard…Yes..but so was the cross. Anything we suffer in this life will NEVER be the cross..God has made a way for us to live in this evil world…it’s called the Holy Spirit…God in us..2 Pet 1:3,4. As His divine power has given to us ALL things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through last (self gratification) P’s 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good..blessed is the man who trusts Him. P’s 103:1-5 Bless the Lord O my soul and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not ALL His benefits, who forgives all your iniquities who heals all your diseases who redeems your life from destruction who crowns you with living kindness and tender mercies who satisfies your mouth with good things so that your youth is renewed like eagles. P’s 34:19 Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers them out of them all. GOD IS SOVEREIGN! He is in control. We need to read His word to know His promises in order to claim them. Believing and receiving…more dying (to self) less trying to be good and holy…We are instruments for God to work through…This life is not our own…When was the last time you purchased something at the store and left a part of it there..you probably took everything you paid for n now possess what you bought. ..So does Jesus have all of you? He paid for you with His blood…You are His! I have experienced the resurrection power in my life…I have been made one with Christ in my suffering…what the bible says is true…if what we believe isn’t changing who we are becoming we have to ask ourselves if we truly believe…In a 2 year period I relocated for my job n 4 weeks later my husband of 25 years moved another woman into our home (after saying you go ahead of me, I will come after) shortly after that my brother diagnosed with stage 4 cancer (not a believer) shortly after that my 22 yr old daughter raped, shortly after that my brother died (I had the privilege of leading him to the Lord and Hez in heaven now…healed!) shortly after that the knowledge of being sexually abused , shortly after that displaced from my job, shortly after that my identity stolen, shortly after that my other daughter raped… Job 42:5, I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear but now my eye sees you.. we all have heard the word of God but He desires we know Him intimately , that we experience Him personally… that occurs through suffering, through adverse circumstances..whatever circumstances are surrounding you God is surrounding your circumstances. Everything He does is on purpose, with a purpose , and for His purpose. He intends to show His power and glory through the life of believers who will let God have His way…who will live out the word of God, who will choose the grace of God to navigate thru as opposed to self pity which only leafs to oppression and depression…John 1:1 in the beginning was the WORD (JESUS), and the WORD (JESUS ) was with God, and the WORD (JESUS) was God. When you know God you will love God when you love God you will obey God..you have to read the bible…Jesus n the bible ate one n the same. We don’t fight FOR victory we fight FROM victory…we are on the winning team…I am grateful and humbled by God love poured out for me! AND now “I am determined not to know anything among you except JESUS CHRIST AND HIM CRUCIFIED (1 or 2:2) I used to say I love Jesus…but I am in love with Him now…that was the good that He brought out of the suffering…I know HIM..
Thank you pouring out your heart here, Rosemary. It is apparent that you have received a revelation of the Father’s love for you in the midst of all that has happened.