Elvis Presley’s fans were always saddened to hear the announcement that he had left the building after a concert. Has romance in your marriage gone the same way, and you can relate to the pain? You don’t have a perfect marriage, but you and your spouse love each other.
The problem is that your love life has become automatic and almost lifeless. You have been thinking about going to a sex therapist but you sense the problems are more spiritual than physical and want to see if Christian counseling can help?
The bible makes it very clear (and even the secular world understands) that the realm of sexual intimacy between a husband and wife operates primarily between the ears! Christian counselors, in conjunction with the Holy Spirit and the word of God, operate in that domain so good results should be expected!
Intimacy problems between spouses are typically the presenting fruit of marriage problems and not the core issue itself. There may be other significant factors in the relationship (anger, depression, fear, pornography for example) that need to be addressed separately or in conjunction with intimacy, but that is not our focus here.
We understand there may also be some physiological issues, primarily for men (but also for women) that can negatively impact marital relations. Jesus can bring supernatural healing and wholeness in these areas also. God loves doctors: medical science also offers medication and surgical options to help.
The Key To An Improved Love Life Is Between Your Ears
We are going to focus on the spiritual root of a happy love life for couples: the willingness to serve one another and meet the other’s needs.
A Christian counselor can help you apply these four spiritual truths in your marriage. They are guaranteed to bring good fruit when people of good intentions commit to them!
- Choose unselfishly to meet the unique needs of their spouse. Men and women are fundamentally different in their approaches to intimacy. Having a willing and servant heart is vital. Selfishness is the most destructive fleshly force in marriage.
- Connect mentally and emotionally first. Men and women see this differently and these perceptions need to be addressed. Wives require mental and emotional intimacy with their husbands before they are willing to connect physically. Men tend to see physical intimacy as the pathway to connecting mentally and emotionally with their wives if they are concerned about it all. Here’s where the servant’s heart mindset needs to enter.
- Husbands: love your wife. Wives: Respect your husbands. This is a scriptural mandate in Ephesians 5:33 that is easily twisted and misapplied as convenient. There is a way to do it properly and it is a commandment with no “ifs” in the text! It is a reality in strong, healthy marriages and will lead to greater intimacy. We highly recommend a book on this topic, Love & Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
- Understand your own and your spouse’s unique temperament needs. These are commonly called personality traits, and they factor into every marriage dynamic, including intimacy. Counselors have tools to assess and present these to couples.
You may be reading this and already giving up hope because your partner will not be open to this. God’s laws work for everyone! Because of the bible’s truthfulness and God’s power and faithfulness, He is able to work in marriages even if only one of the partners is willing! In the natural, it sounds impossible but be hopeful and encouraged! One God-fearing, bible-believing spouse, through right actions and attitude, can bring change in a marriage!
Do you need change in your marriage? Are you considering getting professional help? Before you do, we suggest that you download a free report on why Christian counseling is right for you.
If you are ready to get help now, call us to make an appointment.