The world calls it co-dependency but we call it the fruit of ungodly soul ties and I want to examine that topic from our perspective as ministers.
Dictionary.com defines codependency as:
“excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of illness or addiction”
These excessive reliances can thrive in many areas of our lives – family dynamics, our friendships our marriages and even with our co-workers. It’s one of many devices the enemy uses to steal, kill and destroy the lives of Christ followers (John 10:10).
Are you stuck in a destructive relationship dealing with hurt, fear, lust, and anguish? Many believers do not recognize the source of the destruction. The demonic realm works strategically when it comes to their assignments against us so that they can create open doors for torment. We teach that individuals create these bondings through sexual sin or relationships where someone has ungodly control over us. Sometimes these relationships develop because we allow them to happen and do not set proper boundaries.
Dr. Henry Wright , one of my favorite pastors, says self- pity is the superglue that binds us to hell. If that is true, then ungodly soul ties are the bungee cords that link us to demonic spirits, attacking us through our friends, families, and co-workers. They may not know it, and you may not see it, but once you understand how this works, you can cut the cord and untether yourself.
I had a client who was what I call a “recovering pleaser”. She was learning that from childhood she had learned to earn love by gaining approval from people. She married a man who would control people with his anger. They were in a cycle of disunity and pain. The enemy tied up the broken parts of them and kept them stuck until she stopped playing her role of approval seeking.
This left her husband to have nowhere to direct his anger. He still needs to change his behavior but she no longer participates in the dysfunctional dance and she has removed herself from the firing line of his anger. She has learned to look to her Heavenly Father and receive His love, validation and approval.
How can you recognize this in your own life?
Codependency – How Can You Know?
Start with the identifying symptoms:
- Are certain relationships like a painful roller coaster?
- Do you find yourself drawn to a relationship with this person but then at other times at odds?
- Do you vacillate between distancing yourself from them only to be pulled back into interaction?
- Do some relationships cause you to sin and then you try to recover yourself, repent and try again just to fail again?
Even after a relationship ends these ungodly soul ties can operate to our detriment. These are the sign that spiritual forces are working behind the scenes.
One example of how this works is through perhaps a romantic relationship of the past. Many have had relationships and even intercourse (sexual sin due to weakness, lust or other contributing sin issues on both party’s part) with someone in their younger years only to go on to marry someone else.
Years later when their marriage turns sour, they start to think about the “special someone” from the past, perhaps beginning to fantasize about them and maybe even contact them. The ungodly soul tie from the earlier relationship creates an emotional connection and ignites memories to cause division and possibly destroy the current marriage.
Another example of an ungodly soul tie may be an overbearing mother in law and a resentful daughter in law (think “Everybody Loves Raymond”). The insecure but rude mother- in- law makes subtle but cutting remarks about her son’s wife, and she has on-going resentment toward her.
Sound familiar? Perhaps you or someone you know suffers from a similar relationship dynamic. Just remember that the enemy is behind this with his ongoing strategy to steal, kill and destroy by dividing relational bonds, robbing us of our joy and peace and derailing us from our purpose by drowning us in emotional pain.
We contend that codependency can be one of the fruits of ungodly soul ties. This is a spiritual issue at the root and best countered with biblical truths and practices.
My friends, you have authority over this device of the enemy. You can sever it in the name of Jesus and walk in freedom if you maintain proper boundaries! You can forgive the person on the other end of that soul tie and be free! It is your birthright as a child of God. Don’t wait- Do it today!
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