Life Tips: Living with a Choleric

*****This is part one of a five part series on how to live/coexist/thrive with different temperament types.******

living with a cholericIf you have a spouse/child/significant other in close proximity that is predominantly choleric in temperament, knowing the needs and aspects of this temperament, coupled with a significant amount of grace on your part, can help you survive and indeed thrive in that environment! This short article gives a brief overview only; more information can be found here:  Choleric Temperament.

Cholerics are task-oriented “take charge” people who can sometimes leave a wake of wounded people during the process of getting things done in all aspects of their life.

Things to Know About Cholerics

  • They need alone time. Do not force them to socialize
  • They are independent. Do not try to control them or tell them what to do.
  • They need recognition for their accomplishments. Give them chances to meet that!
  • They are task-oriented and can be great leaders. Give them opportunities to take on responsibilities and make decisions.
  • Tend to have explosive anger. They must learn to deal with this anger constructively and in ways that are pleasing to God

Things You Should Do (and Not Do!) for Cholerics:

  • Do not force them to socialize. They are very selective and when and where to socialize.
  • Do not try to control them
  • Give them recognition for accomplishments
  • Give them opportunities to take on tasks and responsibilities.
  • Learn how to be a good negotiator so you will not be dominated.
  • Provide them with love and affection according to their needs.
  • Try to keep emotional outbursts to a minimum. Cholerics tend to be fiery and may not respond well.
  • Do special things for them. Cholerics typically need affirmations of love in this manner.
  • Offer assistance when it is asked for. Cholerics like to figure things out themselves.

“Issues” That Cholerics Must Typically Address or Learn:

  • Deal with their anger constructively.
  • Recognize the rights and feelings of others.
  • Learn how to submit to authority, especially which of the Lord, while maintaining control of their own personal lives.
  • Recognize the needs of others while showing love and affection, which is, not just giving love as a means of manipulation.
  • Trust others and accept them as they are.
  • Delegate responsibility in order to lessen the possibility of burnout.
  • Refrain from using love and affection to control others.
  • Only control others by good behavior, such as love, compassion, and encouragement, instead of abusive behavior.
  • Pray for the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, so they can learn to understand and feel the emotions that are lacking in their own temperament. They have difficulty understanding or empathizing with the deep, tender feelings of others.
  • Dedicate all achievements to God and seek His recognition. This will lessen their dependence on man for recognition because man will eventually fail us!
  • Look at others with the “Eyes of Christ.” This will give them permission to be imperfect and lessen criticism.

Disclaimer: The discussion above is geared solely towards providing insights into this temperaments needs, strengths and weaknesses. Our temperaments are never an excuse for bad behaviors and we encourage you to seek competent Christian Counseling if you are having individual or relational problems.


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  1. I was in a relationship with a choleric guy who woke one day and said he doesn’t want d relationship anymore. Though I really do love him. Am in d melancholy group that know if that is a reason why its not working. Am so confused. I really need some help and advise.

  2. pls am married to a choleric husband. he is so domineering,selfish,not loving, not caring, has no time for me nor the family and even enjoys flirting around girls etc. pls i see him not playing any part for our marriage. all he does is provide necessary things at home not even minding our wears, emotional and mental well being. he appears very vibrant and extremely godly outside but different at home. he doesnt talk to me until i ask him but talks outside. pls advise me i need your help.

    • OMG,nif
      reading now your comment and it’s almost like you are writing about my husband. I’m sanguine, and I think I married a choleric man to. Added to all else that attributes your husband, mine not only flirts, but spends every single extra second sexting instead of being there 4 his family. And we have sex once a year, in a good year, or once every 2yrs when there’s need to procreate, and I just have to like it coz that’s how he wants it.
      All my life I imagined myself ending up with a romantic melancholy. here I am stuck with the most rigid, domineering Choleric man. Oh God, help me, I feel dead.

  3. Nits, I have exactly the same type of husband. Very frustrating to me before, but you know what? I taught myself to be happy. You will never change him, simply because that’s his temperament. Two heads and no heart.
    I guess you are more of an introvert and need more love and affection but you are not getting it; instead you get picked on and made to feel stupid and humiliated.
    Thank God he’s a financial provider. Take care of yourself, I can say it because Ive been there and worn the t shirt; I’ve cried, been depressed, nagged, submitted, loved, been selfless, blamed him, blamed myself and even thought one day I would end up on my own but guess what? All this pain does nothing for you and your children. Look into yourself , don’t worry. Be happy.

  4. i am married to a choleric who does not care about my feeling, thu he care for his kids, he his a loving father to his kids but never care about how i feel, sometime i feel like ending the marriage but i want the best for my kids. i have prayed, i don’t bother him with my needs i even gave all my salary to support his project but he is never satisfy don’t know what else i can do to make him love me and i so dejected.

  5. am choleric too and I do end relatipnships abruptly I did know why until I tried knowing who I am and how to improve myself.lately am emotional abit

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