Has a wayward spouse broken your marriage and left you locked in a cell of debilitating resentment from the bitterness of adultery?
Are you battling with your spouse’s words when he or she said, “You drove me to it, this is not all my fault?”
Are you ready to silence the nagging thoughts that bring unrest and keep you up all night reviewing every word?
Then it’s time to unearth where that spirit of bitterness came in to your marriage so that you can finally walk in freedom and feel what it is like to truly be loved and appreciated.
When you understand the bigger picture, the key to the jail cell rests in your hand and you can walk away free.
Bitterness, nagging and judging did not start the day you got married; you brought those spirits into your marriage. Either they came in through the bloodline and you recognize a pattern of adultery that left the men/women in your family abandoned and bitter, or you dated cheaters that left you suspicious, vulnerable, and distrusting. Maybe you have experienced both!
God Hates Divorce; Demons Love Adultery
The truth is the enemy hates marriage, and he loves divorce. His favorite tool to divide and conquer is rejection or fear of rejection.
Rejection breaks down communication. Often in counseling the offending partner will say, “I am afraid to tell the truth, because he/she won’t believe me anyway. So rather than get attacked I don’t say anything.”
That is where spirits of sabotage and suspicion cause the nagging drill of bitter questions to begin and the offending spouse to run.
I am certainly not justifying the sin of adultery, just helping you to see how bitterness from your past may have contributed to sabotaging your future.
There are always two players in the tennis match of rejection. So you have a decision to make. You can either continue to allow bitterness to claim you as the victim, or you can own your part in this match and choose to forgive him/her and drop judgment.
It will always be your choice, you own that choice. God does not want your free will and the enemy can’t have it.
Forgiveness is your first step to freedom. Perhaps, you can see the same dynamics working in his family. Was his father an adulterer? Was his mother bitter? It helps to realize that you are not battling flesh and blood, but spirits that operate through people.
If you need help sorting through this, give us a call. We’ve helped many emerge victoriously through the carnage of adultery.
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My husband married me so that he wouldnt have to work. It was and is all about the money. He has stolen money, meds, and possessions from me as long as we have been together. When he disappeared the first time, I found a friend’s girlfriend’s phone number on the kitchen table, it wasnt hard to put it together that I had a cheater, too, on my hands. I believe in the sanctity of marriage but he didnt. Then, a couple of years ago, he would drop me off at work and burn the road up between the town we moved to and the one we had just left in order to go spend his days with a prostitute he became obsessed with. They spent their days with her stealing from Walmart and him returning the merchandise in order to get money for drugs. They only did this when the money they stole from me was depleted. On payday, exactly half of my paycheck would disappear and according to him, I ‘owed’ it to him because the law states we are equals in marriage and he gets half of everything. He was really upset when I lost that job ($60,000/yr). I have forgiven him and accepted the fact that this is not a marriage based on love and respect.
We do not have a sexual relationship at all. He says I dont ‘do it’ right. Funny that I never had that problem in any other relationship (this is my 3rd marriage). I pray for him because I want him to go to heaven. But I will never love him as a wife should love a husband. He has burned me repeatedly in ways I would have never thought of to do to another person, let alone a spouse.
I am in a real mess in this marriage. But I trust God to take care of me. I am so in love with my Lord and am trying to keep my eyes on Him. He has had my back and protected many of the evil plans of my husband. I am still alive after a couple of severe beatings. I have a roof over my head and food in the kitchen. I survived cancer last year. And most of all, God lives in me and no one is taking that away from me.
In the above article, I do not appreciate the comments about nagging. It is obvious to me that it was written by a man. When they dont like the way a woman says something, it is automatically labeled ‘nagging’. Why is it that only women nag? I wasnt nagging at my husband when he decided to hook up with a prostitute. I was working and busting my butt to make a life for us while he was running the tires off my car to go get infected with Hep C. If he cheats, there is NO ONE to blame but him. Same as for a wife, if she cheats, it is on her and no one else. They are weak and not in alignment with what God has put forward for marriage. Why isnt there a word for nagging when a husband does it?
Carla, we never associate the person with the spirit that is tormenting them. Bitterness is demon that brings in a nagging or critical spirit. God has given us a process for deliverance that will free the person from the torment and give them the clarity to set boundaries and walk in the purpose and destiny they were created for. This blog focused on one aspect of adultery. Clearly you are right to note it will take many blogs to cover them all. Blessings, Phyllis
I dont nag my husband!! I have moved away from him in our relationship and it seems to work for us. I am disabled and dont get out much except to go to church and get groceries. I sit here day after day with Scott and do what I need to do for my own sanity. If I dwelled on everything he has put me through, I would be insane. I pray for my husband’s deliverance, but I dont dwell on the fact that he is a cheater and a user. He NEEDS me. I dont need him. I found my peace and refuge in God. A long time ago, I went through a bad time and that soft voice spoke a scripture to me and I have clung to it in order to not try to ‘get even’ when I have been mistreated. It is Exodus 14:14. If He had not whispered the beautiful piece of love to me, I would probably be in jail for getting even. Our relationship is a sick one because of the things he has done, not only to me but for things I have seen him do to others. Scott can be changed with the love of God and me, if he wants to. I have seen the other side of his heart and he can be a good man if he wants to. That is what I pray for, that the other side of him will take over and put the demons down where they belong. But I do not nag and I resent that being said about me.
My wife had an affair with an 18 year old boy who came to stay with us at the age of 14 through our “former” church family via the Apache reservation mission that we supported. After I learned of the affair, within two weeks my wife had seen a female “christian” counselor and proceeded to tell me that she felt uncomfortable to be with me sexually and wanted to abstain for the next month. When the month was up she left me. We separated and “tried” working on reconciliation with a longtime Christian counselor we have visited over the years from time to time. My now ex-wife said she needed time and space but NEVER gave me any type of time-line. It was always open ended. Then after 7 months… last January she said it was over and wanted a divorce. She surrounded herself with “christian” supporters such as her mother her supported her demonic position that it was acceptable to God for her to divorce me on the grounds that she suffered excessive emotional stress. Before the divorce and since she has said that she is open to reconciling if we are both “healthy” and if it could work. This is all just so bizarre. There isn’t another man… to my knowledge… she has sworn she wants to remain single… She talks a good talk about seeking God. She attend church regularly. In all of this my heart has been shattered. I have truly desired forgiveness and reconciliation only to have her figuratively spit in my face. I feel such anger beginning to well up in me and at the same time I love her deeply and desire a future with her “in the LORD”. Please help me! I feel like I am losing my mind and my will to even live sometimes.
Chris, I dont guess they are going to respond to us. So maybe we can help each other. I dont know your wife or what her background is with men, so I cant explain why or what she is doing. Personally, I dont put up with games very well. She needs to sh** or get off the pot. I am over 50 and I am not wasting any more time on wishy-washy people that dont flow on my path. For that reason I have spent quite a bit of alone time until God thought I was ready for people. God puts the right people in your life for His reasons. You are either the student or the teacher, and at times both. Please please please if you decide to move on without her and put this behind you, give yourself time and find yourself. Finding yourself is a very wonderful journey. God makes it so intense and soulful and never what you expect to find.
When you are in a relationship, you get that person’s scent on you, so to speak. Do some internal mental and emotional cleansing for yourself. Unzip the old ‘suit’ and get out of it. Expose your new baby skin, go outside and breathe the fresh exilerating new air and get the old stale stuff out of your internal home. Even if you take her back, you need to be a new person because she wont return to you as the same person. The things I am saying about renewal are all about you, not the house you live in. I had to do this recently. I had cancer last year and at the end of the first year, with all the surgeries and treatments behind me, I needed to mentally peel off that old layer of skin and get rid of that ‘costume’ or suit. I had to go outside and breathe cold brisk air into my lungs and remove the stale sick air. I actually took a bristle brush and scrubbed my skin to get the cells loosened and washed them off. I looked up scriptures that promoted new starts and meditated on them.
It is difficult to change the old ways, but stay on the new path God has placed you on. Be gentle on yourself and kind. Seek Him first all the kingdom will open up to you.
You are more than welcome to talk to me. I dont have any degrees in counseling and apparently whoever puts this stuff out doesnt have any intentions of helping us. I am on FB Carla Hereford. Friend me if you want to.
Chris, my apologies for the delay in responding. Its often difficult to try and make sense of why things happen like this to good people. The only way to find peace is to truly bring this to the foot of the cross and seek outside help that you trust to guide you through the process of forgiveness. Keeping in mind that forgiveness does not justify anything the other person did or make it right, its about getting your freedom back from the tormenting thoughts. On our website there are two prayers that you can access that are designed to help you, hopefully until you can find a counselor close to you or Skype in to one of us. Please let us know if we can help you further. Blessings Phyllis